Spiced Pork and Ham

I like Monty Phyton! Some people say it's stupid and silly and I think, they're completely right. But it's better to have some fun with stupidity than to have no fun at all. Nuff said, let's go on to this one:

The Spam Sketch

from the second series of "Monty Python's Flying Circus" and "Monty Python's Previous Record"

SPAM= Spiced Pork And Ham, a sort of cheap luncheon meat)

	Scene:	A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings with horned helmets on.
	A man and his wife enter.
	MAN:	You sit here, dear.
	WIFE:	All right.
	MAN (to waitress):	Morning!
	WAITRESS:	Morning!
	MAN:	Well, what've you got?
	WAITRESS:	Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam
	VIKINGS (starting to chant):	Spam spam spam spam...
	WAITRESS:	...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...
	VIKINGS (singing):	Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
	WAITRESS:	...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
	WIFE:	Have you got anything without spam?
	WAITRESS:	Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
	WIFE:	I don't want ANY spam!
	MAN:	Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
	WIFE:	THAT'S got spam in it!
	MAN:	Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
	VIKINGS:	Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines)
	WIFE:	Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
	WAITRESS:	Urgghh!
	WIFE:	What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!
	VIKINGS:	Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
	WAITRESS:	Shut up!
	VIKINGS:	Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
	WAITRESS:	Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
	WIFE (shrieks):	I don't like spam!
	MAN:	Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!
	VIKINGS (singing):	Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
	WAITRESS:	Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
	MAN:	Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
	WAITRESS:	You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
	VIKINGS (singing elaborately):	Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!