so everyone who knows me knows that i am a complete mess in the morning or any time i'm waking up. i can't control it, i really can't. i'm not conscious, i don't realize that i'm swearing at everyone and being mean. i've woken up to people not speaking to me because of things i've said in the early stages of waking up and have no memory of. this only really happens when someone has the balls to touch me or try and wake me up... if i am able to wake up on my own with no interruptions, my exit from dream land is a lot more graceful.
if you don't understand what i'm talking about, let's break it down: i've punched my own beloved mother for touching me while i'm sleeping. i've shouted at arif for smoking a cigg in the same room where i am passed out, i've told so many people to "fuck off" in my sleep that i've lost count. my go-to is "i fucking hate you. get out of my life." do you want to know how many people i've said that to? so would i. i honestly have no recollection of doing any of this most of the time, and in the moment there is absolutely no way to stop me. i wish more than anything there was someone in my life who understood that if they touch me or try and kiss my face when I'm passed out i will cut them. that's the key to having any sort of decent relationship with me.
just let me fucking sleep.
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