Friday, May 9, 2008

DC-Marvel-Image-Wildstrom-Vertigo-Apparat

which comic book writer is plotting your life?

that's right. i take apart real life conversations and try to fit them in the *here it comes, baby!* comic book medium. it's not at all as stupid as it sounds. if you've never stopped a conversation and yelled, "fuck! that was such a mIRaClE moment!" you haven't lived. there's nothing like shouting "stop going all morrison on me, man!" to let the other person know you have no idea what he is talking about but find it really cool all the same. (You should be saying "stop going morrison on me, man!" right about now. or you could say "Byrne in hell, bastard!". that would mean i'm being both incomprehensible and annoying. how many John Byrne comics have i read? too few to be making a comment on his writing style but i couldn't resist). like every boy who become a man drinking, i once wondered about the meaning of life. questions about free will and existentialism that i could never find a convincing answer to. if only i'd known then what i know now..... life is a comic book. and even if you have out-of-his-mind Warren Ellis writing your story it's worth it as long as the women look like they've been drawn by frank quitely. aren't all our fantasies of sleeping with Jill Thompson merely Elseworld stories? don't we wish certain epsiodes in our life could be retconed out of continuity? [i hear a whining voice, embarrassingly like my own, complain that this is not what a ret-con is about. there are kids dying of hunger and you want to debate ret-cons? prick!]


back to the quiz. which comic book writer is writing the story of your life?

do you live in a place where the guns go "BRaKaBRaKaBRaK"? or even "POKitaPOKitaPOK"?


frank miller's got you by the balls in sin city! You will soon have sex with a hot babe, find out she's a hooker and die a gruesome death. ah, at least the sex was good, eh? also, in your universe schlock is not a word. it's a sound effect.

my own life seems to be scripted by a certain foul-mouthed demented Irishman.

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